There was no girl in wet towel this morning so pretty disappointing. I really missed hot drinks and thus tried to find my way to the common kitchen but in vain. I asked the cleaner where the kitchen was but she could not understand English. In the end, I resorted to hand signs and crude French like “cuisine, ou?” She showed me to the kitchen and blabbered a lot in French which again I could not understand. The stoves were all electrical. There was a common fridge, a TV and a microwave. To my dismay there was no hot water dispenser and if I need to have hot drink, I will have to boil water which took something like 15min.
As I was leaving the kitchen, I met a resident who was doing his postgrad studies in Rennes. He couldn’t speak English well but still managed to answer some of my questions. He told me that I could just use the pots and pans in the kitchen. He also said that the tap water was not to be drunk. If I wanted to drink water, I would have to buy from the supermart. Upon hearing that, I decided to buy a kettle and boil water in my room. After having a cup of Milo and a small cupcake, I left for work at 9am.
I was quite proud of myself for finding my way to IRISA without getting lost now. But inside the building, I couldn’t make it to the office. Fortunately, I met Mdm “Dunno Who”at the staircase. Mdm was a nice lady who was in charged of administration of IRISA and I saw her at her office yesterday. She made an appointment with the bank for me and gave me a map on how to get there. She was the only person I felt that really had apathy for my situation. She genuinely knew that it was very hard for me to be all alone in a foreign country. Both Anatole and Mathilde had been very nice people but they did not think that it was that tough to stay away from home.
Anyway, Mdm Nice Woman brought me to my office and the first thing I did was to find Mathilde but she was not here today. Then I began my work which was left halfway undone yesterday because Anatole left in a hurry as he had to catch a train. But before he left he asked me to look for Sebastien for help and I did. So I spent 2 hrs watching him solve the problem as I knew nothing about what he was doing. Apparently the program could not run because the files were not properly linked and all those Linux commands were aliens to me. As it neared lunch time, he was still stuck and called for Julien. Julien speaks very good English, with even a tint of British accent. Anatole mentioned that I speak very good English but maybe not as well as Julien. This I wasn’t sure.
Anyway, the problem was solved and it was lunchtime. I went alone to the restaurant and ordered my food. Yesterday I had rice and potatoes and meat with tomatoes. Today, I had fish fillet, broccoli and fries. There was no rice but grains instead which I wasn’t sure if I liked. It was a bit uneasy to eat alone and very distinctively, I was the only non-French around. I finished my meal in haste, and went back to office to see if anyone was on MSN, which was my sole mode of communication with my friends.
First there was an email from Kailin. She mentioned that she was doing fine in LA and said that she would pray for my safety here. Then I saw Hui online and we chatted for quite a while. Both of us by now felt home sick and regretted coming here. Yes!!! I really regretted. We had the same feeling of being lost, confused, frighten, uneasy and completely inconvenient in this foreign country. We both missed our families and felt extremely lonely as we had no one to talk to. I could spend one full day without talking sometimes. And the constant “Bonjouring” whenever I see someone was driving me nuts. It was only an apparent form of courtesy; I would explain this in a moment.
At about 330pm, I decided to leave the office because I was feeling very depressed. Also I needed to go to the supermart and in Rennes, it turned completely dark by 6pm. The sun only comes out at 8 in the morning. Back in my hostel, I asked the admin office on how to put credit into my access card so that I could use the student restaurant. With their broken English and my shattered French, I gathered that I had to go to the “comptable” which meant “accountant” on Tuesday to do it. The cost per meal was around 4 euros for non-students and 2 something euros for students. Having “merci” the 2 ladies who gave me the info, I went to the phone booth to call home. This was when the emotional moment came in.
I was using the reverse call service by dialing 0800990065 and asking the operator to connect me to my home. When I heard my mum’s voice, tears began to well up in my eyes. This was the 2nd time I called home since I arrived and really I missed them a lot. When she asked whether I was having a hard time here, I was holding back my tears and telling her “just a bit” but in actual fact, it was like hell here. She sounded very sad also over the phone and asked if I regretted coming. “A bit” was my answer again. When it was my dad’s turn to speak, I was at the verge of breaking down and quickly said a few words and hung up. This was the first time I actually had such feelings. My strong front had been torn apart and the real emotional ME was unleashed.
Having bid goodbyes to my parents, I went up to my room trying to brush aside the sad moments I had just now. But when I looked into the mirror, I found myself breaking into tears uncontrollably. This was very strange because I always thought that I was tough and strong. I stood there for quite awhile, talking into the mirror: “Tan Chee Hian, you are fucking weak. A weakling.” Finally, I could not stand it anymore, grabbed my coat and dashed out of the room.
On my way to the mart, I began to feel much better and by the time I reached there, I was alright again. I did not take a good look at the mart the first time I came. This time I took my time to look around and realized that there was quite a wide range of varieties of goods sold. The winter wears were much cheaper than in Singapore, but most of the other items were very expensive. I bought a Philip kettle for 20 euros, a loaf of bread and Nutella. Why Nutella? Because it was the only item I felt safe to consume and knew for sure that it was used for bread. I wanted to buy some jam but there were some on the shelves that look like that but I was uncertain. Butter was no good because I didn’t have a fridge. I knew I could not possibly bring the kettle home. Maybe I could give it to Mathilde on my last day. And here is the apparent courtesy of Bonjouring. The cashier was very polite when I greeted him in French. But when he found out I could not speak French, he gave me frustrated look. What a bastard. I had a feeling that French are only polite to French-speaking people. I feel like telling the guy to come to Singapore and live on his own. See if he can survive.
After eating another small cupcake, I went to bed. I slept early everyday because this reduced my energy consumption and would result in me not needing so much food. Much like the hibernation of the bears. My stomach was constantly growling and I hoped it would survive and get used to the harsh environment soon. I was also afraid that my gastric problem might re-occur. The most valued food I bought was the big packet of snicker bars. I gathered that by the end of the 5 months attachment, I would probably lose 5kg if I continue to take about 1.5 meals per day.
Lying on my bed, I began to think of home again. I thought to myself that what have I done to get such tortures? I genuinely wanted to go out and see the world and to learn but all I got here was unhappiness. How I wished that all these were just a dream and when I wake up the next day, I would be back in Singapore! Then I told myself to think positively. Something good is going to come out of this eventually. Yes, definitely. First, I would be a better son and closer to my family. Second, I would level up in my programming skills because I am now with the top-notched people here. Third, I would be richer because if I continue on to ration my food, I would save about $6000 by the end. Fourth, I would be a stronger person emotionally and definitely much more independent. Lastly, perhaps I would be more matured and could attract more girls when I returned. Soon I was feeling much better and began to fell asleep. Tomorrow would be another adventurous day as it was Saturday and I would go and explore the city centre on my own.
No comments:
Post a Comment